"Mommeeeeeeeee!' she screamed with glee. "You're home early. Can we play dress-up before dinner?"

"Not now, honey. I don't feel very good. I'm going to lie down and get under the covers. You can come in and I'll read to you in bed, if you want," I responded feeling weaker by the minute.

We weren't more than half way through Where the Wild Things Are when the phone rang. Lauren picked it up and started chatting away. It was my mother.

"Oh hi mom," I said with a forced cheeriness. "No, everything's fine. I came home early to spend some special time with Lauren." I looked over at my daughter who had a confused look on her face.

After I hung up, Lauren didn't say anything to me for a while. I continued reading until she asked in a whisper, " Mommy, why did you lie to grandma?"

"Oh boy," I thought sheepishly, "I've been busted by my seven-year-old. How do I answer this one?"

"Well, you see honey, I didn't want to worry grandma and I knew that if I told her I was sick, she would get really concerned and call me twenty times a day until I was feeling better. So I told her a "white lie," that's something that isn't really the whole truth but it doesn't really hurt the person not to know so it's okay, you know what I mean?" I asked, exhaling in one long breath.

"Can I not tell YOU something when I think you'll get worried?" she asked demurely.

"Well...," I stammered, aware that by now I was in some pretty muddy waters, "you're still young and its not a good idea to keep things from me or daddy because there's still a lot you don't know and we won't be too worried, even if you think we will, so you can always tell us everything."

"O.K." she said, and to my great relief, jumped off the bed and went into her room to play.

That conversation, and others like it, have bothered me for years. How can I consider myself a good parent and an honest, moral person if I tacitly condone lying in my own home - to my own mother!

There is both wisdom and consolation in the writings of the Talmudic sages who tackled the topic of lying with diplomacy and a deep understanding of human nature when they wrote: "Great is peace, seeing that for its sake even God modified the truth." (Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 65 b.)

This passage refers to a story from Genesis when God, not wanting to hurt Abraham's feelings or create strife in his home, hid the fact that Sarah laughed and referred to Abraham as an old man when she was told that she would have a baby in her old age.

Judaism considers truth an important value but it does not consider it an absolute one. It recognizes that there will be times when other values in the Torah take priority over telling the whole truth. So was I right when I didn't tell my mother the truth? Does Jewish law condone lying under those circumstances?

Jewish tradition allows us to tell a lie, when not under oath, for three main reasons: in order to save a life, to create peace between people and to preserve harmony within the home (shalom bayit ) or between a husband and wife. The answer is further refined in the Talmud, which gives three other reasons that one may alter the truth: "In the following three matters, learned men do conceal the truth: In matters of tractate, bed and hospitality." (Baba Metzia, 23b-24a)

This text has been construed to mean that 'white lies' can be told in order not to brag about oneself or make another person feel less worthy, in order to maintain privacy about personal and intimate matters and to avoid causing harm to or hurting another person.

While none of the above specifically addresses what happened with my mother, I like to think that by not causing her unnecessary concern about my health, I avoided causing her harm. And although I will always feel uncomfortable when I tell a half-truth or white lie, especially in front of my children, I know that life will present continuing situations where I will deem it necessary to do so. About that, I cannot lie.